Monday, November 9, 2009
(Untitled 01)
....on second thoughts, and reflection, everyone should have an emotional breakdown, they're good for the soul. :)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Christianity... A point of view.
Me = May not be fully Christian but respects and maintains their values as it's a good way of life and makes me feel like a hippy.
Old Testament - DEEAATTTH.. (And destruction :D)
New Testament - LOOVE... (and passion ^^)
Being a Christian means you look at both the new and old testaments, I personally prefer Jesus's (He's a good bloke) teachings in the New Testament as it shows you can live with only experiencing as powerful an emotion derived from fear as dislike. In my Christian value escapades, I find there is only really one person I've ever truely disliked, and I acknowledge that after a good 3 years of realising that.
All of this is rather nice isn't it. Get used to it. I uphold these nicey nicey lovey dovey values ^-^'
Old Testament - DEEAATTTH.. (And destruction :D)
New Testament - LOOVE... (and passion ^^)
Being a Christian means you look at both the new and old testaments, I personally prefer Jesus's (He's a good bloke) teachings in the New Testament as it shows you can live with only experiencing as powerful an emotion derived from fear as dislike. In my Christian value escapades, I find there is only really one person I've ever truely disliked, and I acknowledge that after a good 3 years of realising that.
All of this is rather nice isn't it. Get used to it. I uphold these nicey nicey lovey dovey values ^-^'
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
If you were falling, Then I would catch you... (even if I have to catch you in an open back grain lorry driving at 70mph =/ )
^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Yes ^ You ^ Know ^What ^ I'm ^ On ^ About ^^^^^^^^^^^^
I may be small, I may have an ickle voice, I may be insignificant in everyone's lives... But I'm Me.
Why does prejudice lurk around the corner all the bleedin time? Many a time I have theorised about just walking around everywhere naked for all the good wearing clothes does. Although, even some with as little shame as I, I do retain at least a tiny bit of dignity, even if it is as small as my shoe size >.> .
I'm sure everyone finds this, life depresses me, it shouts abuse at me, it snidely comments about my behind my back, and plays psychological warfare with me most of the time. Now, I'm your average pacifist, but when it comes to psychological warefare, just don't. When one goes through this much total a**e r****g s**t in a single year, nothing phases them. Nothing. At all.
Sure, I'm a human, I have empirical senses, I need and now have my rock who owes me their life just in case I need some stability and a reality check. (Yes Brother, try and get boy to owe you his life instead of just his limbs o-O (ha!))... but, going through said amounts of s**t allows a mental brick wall to take residence, which is put up at a price to one's emotions.
Therefore, I prefer to keep that wall down instead of living/camping behind that wall for 6 years flat ¬.¬'
Therefore, I have emotions, and so I learnt there's no need for a monkey in my life, and so I can live my life how I fancy living it with my new found confidence courtesy of life.
Therefore, I can forgive those that need forgiving, help those that need help, make truthful pacts that have been dutifully kept, and pour all of the love I kept to myself for such a long time into others who need that love from me.
Someone I forgave, helped when needed, and gave them all the love I could possibly give them made sure they turned away from it with brute force, I knew and know them then and now, they're still there somewhere. They are unable to work at this minute, I always get anxious when they cannot work because it's always serious, they always get back up and keep going. A weak spot will always occur for someone who will die at this rate, and if/when that all happens, I don't want to know about it.
The contentment I have now will never stay, I'm sure of it. But we cannot possibly dwell on things in the past, as the past never really existed as it has been considered present and is that present at that second in time, in this case.. 10713600 seconds in time. We also cannot dwell on the future, as the future never really comes, it stays lingering out of reach as we can only possibly living in the present.
So why not just appreciate the present, appreciate the air we breathe, any fortune we're in, the people we love at that second in time, and not care about previous/future events, as they cannot possibly make sense.
People change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but it's what happens in the present that makes the difference, not what people have been, maybe if previous seconds in the present are forgotten and buried to never be seen again, social harmony can be achieved for just 1 second of time.
I may be small, I may have an ickle voice, I may be insignificant in everyone's lives... But I'm Me.
Why does prejudice lurk around the corner all the bleedin time? Many a time I have theorised about just walking around everywhere naked for all the good wearing clothes does. Although, even some with as little shame as I, I do retain at least a tiny bit of dignity, even if it is as small as my shoe size >.> .
I'm sure everyone finds this, life depresses me, it shouts abuse at me, it snidely comments about my behind my back, and plays psychological warfare with me most of the time. Now, I'm your average pacifist, but when it comes to psychological warefare, just don't. When one goes through this much total a**e r****g s**t in a single year, nothing phases them. Nothing. At all.
Sure, I'm a human, I have empirical senses, I need and now have my rock who owes me their life just in case I need some stability and a reality check. (Yes Brother, try and get boy to owe you his life instead of just his limbs o-O (ha!))... but, going through said amounts of s**t allows a mental brick wall to take residence, which is put up at a price to one's emotions.
Therefore, I prefer to keep that wall down instead of living/camping behind that wall for 6 years flat ¬.¬'
Therefore, I have emotions, and so I learnt there's no need for a monkey in my life, and so I can live my life how I fancy living it with my new found confidence courtesy of life.
Therefore, I can forgive those that need forgiving, help those that need help, make truthful pacts that have been dutifully kept, and pour all of the love I kept to myself for such a long time into others who need that love from me.
Someone I forgave, helped when needed, and gave them all the love I could possibly give them made sure they turned away from it with brute force, I knew and know them then and now, they're still there somewhere. They are unable to work at this minute, I always get anxious when they cannot work because it's always serious, they always get back up and keep going. A weak spot will always occur for someone who will die at this rate, and if/when that all happens, I don't want to know about it.
The contentment I have now will never stay, I'm sure of it. But we cannot possibly dwell on things in the past, as the past never really existed as it has been considered present and is that present at that second in time, in this case.. 10713600 seconds in time. We also cannot dwell on the future, as the future never really comes, it stays lingering out of reach as we can only possibly living in the present.
So why not just appreciate the present, appreciate the air we breathe, any fortune we're in, the people we love at that second in time, and not care about previous/future events, as they cannot possibly make sense.
People change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but it's what happens in the present that makes the difference, not what people have been, maybe if previous seconds in the present are forgotten and buried to never be seen again, social harmony can be achieved for just 1 second of time.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Maturity: All sizes great and small ^-^'
Hmm.... don't we all love how lessons trigger random thoughts.
Well... dunno about anyone else's, but taking all social sciences for lessons really does trigger random stuff which lingers in your brain for ages and ages and ages until there's nothing you can do but either talk about it, to either random people, or ones self. (Yes, I enjoy talking to myself, just like my mum does ^^ (it's a family thing)).
Well, what an interesting journey this year has been. I personally find this time of year to be dull and boring because NOTHING EVER HAPPENS PAST NOVEMBER UNTIL CHRISTMAS ITS ALL A MASSIVE BLURRY MESS =D.
Well.. at least I know this time last year was a blurry mess.. I remember little of it because it was so dull, mundane, and blurry to the max, plus, I was depressed... really depressed. No point into going into detail because it lasted for too long...it drove me to dark places, dark colours, dark lifestyle...then it got worse and worse and worse and there was added stress of my epic ICT double course which crippled my social life so badly I couldn't seriously keep contact with those from the high school whom I knew and loved, which was a very sad thought to know... then as the darker winter months carried on I watched in sadness how friendships and relationships crumbled to dust in the winter blues :( .
..........and then, roughly early march, this light, at the time, came flashing into my life at lightening speed... it took away all of my depressive state, and for the first time in a long time, i could live without issues, suddenly my work load wasn't as crippling too and everything looked up. New friends were made, an epic surrogate brother was found who understands me more than most people, and best of all, my bestie in the whole wide world was available to talk to and back in my life, which was a brilliant feeling. Over those happy many months, my former personality came back... which had been gone for a long while. While I missed that light a large amount, it was bearable because of the awesome friends I had..
Essentially, out with the old (bar the odd exception), and In with the NEW! (July I actually started wearing my beautiful skirts of prettyness and walked around the beautiful city centre of Norwich and felt like a girl for once lol)
Obviously, The relationship equivalent of the Wall Street Crash happened here and as I became the Wall Gremlin, EVERYONE split up, including myself and my monkey, which was depressing at the time, hence the donward spirals started rather funnily. I broke my pact to wear a beautiful skirt of prettyness on the first day of term as my self esteem at the time was dead and gone, and I felt like the ugly runt computer geek I saw myself as throughout the beautiful year of year 10 (spits).
Gradually, what my monkey showed me has come to light, The Gremlin has matured considerably during this year, not really physically (Yes, i know I'm small >.>) but mentally, yes. The love and affection provided by my EPICBESTIEGFOFALLTIME, my EPICBESTIEFRIENDWHOSAGUYOFALLTIME, my Wifey, and (who could forget) my boyfriend-who-i've-been-friends-with-for-two-years-now-so-it-was-gonna-happen-sometime, has made them my extended family, and brought me out of my depression in which I hated, back to my year 6 self but matured, and shown a new version of myself full of colour, hope, and life (My name means 'life').
I thank them all for keeping me spirited and full of life. I wish there was ever some way they could all realise how much I owe them all ^-^'' .....
Well... dunno about anyone else's, but taking all social sciences for lessons really does trigger random stuff which lingers in your brain for ages and ages and ages until there's nothing you can do but either talk about it, to either random people, or ones self. (Yes, I enjoy talking to myself, just like my mum does ^^ (it's a family thing)).
Well, what an interesting journey this year has been. I personally find this time of year to be dull and boring because NOTHING EVER HAPPENS PAST NOVEMBER UNTIL CHRISTMAS ITS ALL A MASSIVE BLURRY MESS =D.
Well.. at least I know this time last year was a blurry mess.. I remember little of it because it was so dull, mundane, and blurry to the max, plus, I was depressed... really depressed. No point into going into detail because it lasted for too long...it drove me to dark places, dark colours, dark lifestyle...then it got worse and worse and worse and there was added stress of my epic ICT double course which crippled my social life so badly I couldn't seriously keep contact with those from the high school whom I knew and loved, which was a very sad thought to know... then as the darker winter months carried on I watched in sadness how friendships and relationships crumbled to dust in the winter blues :( .
..........and then, roughly early march, this light, at the time, came flashing into my life at lightening speed... it took away all of my depressive state, and for the first time in a long time, i could live without issues, suddenly my work load wasn't as crippling too and everything looked up. New friends were made, an epic surrogate brother was found who understands me more than most people, and best of all, my bestie in the whole wide world was available to talk to and back in my life, which was a brilliant feeling. Over those happy many months, my former personality came back... which had been gone for a long while. While I missed that light a large amount, it was bearable because of the awesome friends I had..
Essentially, out with the old (bar the odd exception), and In with the NEW! (July I actually started wearing my beautiful skirts of prettyness and walked around the beautiful city centre of Norwich and felt like a girl for once lol)
Obviously, The relationship equivalent of the Wall Street Crash happened here and as I became the Wall Gremlin, EVERYONE split up, including myself and my monkey, which was depressing at the time, hence the donward spirals started rather funnily. I broke my pact to wear a beautiful skirt of prettyness on the first day of term as my self esteem at the time was dead and gone, and I felt like the ugly runt computer geek I saw myself as throughout the beautiful year of year 10 (spits).
Gradually, what my monkey showed me has come to light, The Gremlin has matured considerably during this year, not really physically (Yes, i know I'm small >.>) but mentally, yes. The love and affection provided by my EPICBESTIEGFOFALLTIME, my EPICBESTIEFRIENDWHOSAGUYOFALLTIME, my Wifey, and (who could forget) my boyfriend-who-i've-been-friends-with-for-two-years-now-so-it-was-gonna-happen-sometime, has made them my extended family, and brought me out of my depression in which I hated, back to my year 6 self but matured, and shown a new version of myself full of colour, hope, and life (My name means 'life').
I thank them all for keeping me spirited and full of life. I wish there was ever some way they could all realise how much I owe them all ^-^'' .....
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Flourescent Jizz, Flourescent Hoops, A Naughty Police Woman Outfit, and an EPIC Miniskirt..
Well... that has to be one of THE MOST eventful and interesting weekends I have ever bore witness to.. EVER.
Saturday: EPIC!... Sunday: Slight less epic but nonetheless EPIC!
Halloweens Outfits
Good times to the max
Saturday: EPIC!... Sunday: Slight less epic but nonetheless EPIC!
Halloweens Outfits
- Dad = Convict
- Mum = Police Officer (WITH HANDCUFFS)
- Boy = Skeleton/Ninja/ Thing
- Brother = Psycho?
- Girlfriend = Dead girl/victim/thing?
- Boyfriend/Wife = EPIC CROSS DRESSER XD
- WIFEY = Dead Cheerleader
- Moi = Vampire/goth/thing :D
Good times to the max
Monday, October 26, 2009
Remember when...
It's all been well.
I think I'm starting to come back down to my own little planet again. Today I sat aimlessly in my lessons and remembered the 5 months of strange happiness I had, and how it left me so swiftly. On pondering that thought it suddenly came to me that I shouldn't be this happy, despite having a fellow gremlin. This ponders the thought, shall I revert back to the lovely mood I had throughout year 10? Yes, sure it was relative depression, but hey, it was a bubble I had that protected me from further death. Plus, the year went nice and quickly.
Or, should I stay in this bubble I have right now and dismiss any further thought about the intricate workings of any human brain other than my own. Yes, it was a favourite passtime, but personally I don't like the grapevine despite it usually being relative truth >.> ...
I hate knowing and understand people without realising it. However, more recently I have been too finely tuned to the wrong channel and should be more pessimistic. Therefore the logic way for me to go is to have the pessimistic outlook on life in which I adopted for half of my time with the monkey. Having a pessemistic view kept me from harm and let me see the other side of people which they don't want me to see.
This Gremlin needs to revert back to her old self, for her own wellbeing. Being beyond happy is a luxury life itself cannot afford, without creating consequences for life. The Gremlin will always forgive and forget, no matter what.
(Sorry if this is partially non-understandable, I needed a mental aid for myself.)
I think I'm starting to come back down to my own little planet again. Today I sat aimlessly in my lessons and remembered the 5 months of strange happiness I had, and how it left me so swiftly. On pondering that thought it suddenly came to me that I shouldn't be this happy, despite having a fellow gremlin. This ponders the thought, shall I revert back to the lovely mood I had throughout year 10? Yes, sure it was relative depression, but hey, it was a bubble I had that protected me from further death. Plus, the year went nice and quickly.
Or, should I stay in this bubble I have right now and dismiss any further thought about the intricate workings of any human brain other than my own. Yes, it was a favourite passtime, but personally I don't like the grapevine despite it usually being relative truth >.> ...
I hate knowing and understand people without realising it. However, more recently I have been too finely tuned to the wrong channel and should be more pessimistic. Therefore the logic way for me to go is to have the pessimistic outlook on life in which I adopted for half of my time with the monkey. Having a pessemistic view kept me from harm and let me see the other side of people which they don't want me to see.
This Gremlin needs to revert back to her old self, for her own wellbeing. Being beyond happy is a luxury life itself cannot afford, without creating consequences for life. The Gremlin will always forgive and forget, no matter what.
(Sorry if this is partially non-understandable, I needed a mental aid for myself.)
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Gremlins 'R' Us
Well... not much to blog about, which is sad...
Oh... I've been asked to put a couple of things in this blog, such as a couple of quotes...might as well get it out of the way now before it gets to facebook >->'
Overall.... as an outlook for the week because I have literally no time to blog until SUNDAY (!) ...;
Oh... I've been asked to put a couple of things in this blog, such as a couple of quotes...might as well get it out of the way now before it gets to facebook >->'
- -raises elbow-..... "Protects my groin" <------- (funny times)
- "Lets whip out a condom for no apparent reason... -5 minutes later- Nuh, it won't go in! (the box)"
- "Damn, I need to pull my top down.... NUH not like that!"
- "Ooh... the darkness.... AND it's liiight!... and more darkness..."
Overall.... as an outlook for the week because I have literally no time to blog until SUNDAY (!) ...;
- Thursday = utter frikkin boredom of doom!.. even my free period is inhabited by yet another essay >.>
- Friday = utter boredom.... UNTIL we get to after the gremlin rides home from school in the back of a flashy sporty SEAT along with two others in said chariot of awesomesauce. And after running back to base is met by None other than big-little-bro-gremlin-whom-isn't-really-a-gremlin (etc)... with two other absolute BESTIES! joining our little sacred meeting of the fridays... I forsee a film... just need to find some comfort :P...
- Saturday = AMG I'M GETTING UP BEFORE 1:10PM xD.... The gremlin is off into the rather large market place with the cross-dressing-gremlin (in joke alert!) for a good shop around despite possibly being skint <..> hey ho... At least a black trillby we definately be gotten o.o.... after venturing back on the magical transport of stopping and startingness, said gremlins will have another sacred meeting, this time of the saturdays (!).... and that's where i find myself incapable of typing anymore about the sat-ur-day.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Emotion: An afterthought
While I was sitting doing one of my countless assignments, I contemplated as to how one's mind can actually accomodate so much emotion at one given nanosecond of life. The answer may be simple, that a human brain has a massive capacity.
However, on pondering, I think there's a lot more to that one said sentence than meets the eye. For example people's capacity for hatred is quite amazing if you think about it... someone can be totally happy and whatnot in the eyes of people they are comfortable around....
........... then SUDDENLY -person appears-
.... one microsecond passes of sheer brainpower contemplationness...............
BAM!!!!!! -uber hatred- "The day has suddenly got worse because of them"... etc
You get the point, it's absolutely amazing how it's done. Being as I am, I can safely say I've never experienced such utter hatred for anyone at any given time, at most just temporary annoyance... Therefore, I'm amazed at how the emotion of hatred is come across and how other people around percieve it.
Now, for one, I've noticed quite obviously that if someone insta-hates another person, then people around automatically take sides, unless they're on the side of NEUTRALITY (had to get that one in there didn't I dude who likes green so much =D). All this, in itself, divides people who could all easily get along with each other in a blink of an eye. I would go into detail about the difference in subcultures, war, and political views.. but I'm tired of repeating myself from my Sociology lessons and quite frankly the information is looking at us both in society (in general), and in my sociology text book xD.
One thing I have experienced, however, and plays an enourmous part of one's life at times... is love -spits-...
Now, I honestly don't mind the type of love that friends share, or family love that stops cohabiting humans of the same blood pool from tearing each other apart out of frustration with one another. All that love is fine, in fact, I make sure I love all of my closest friends and family in order to be there for them when they need my help, guidance, hugs.. etc... -no more elaboration cos you get the point xD-
I am, however, talking about the intensely powerful emotion you are able to experience towards specific people either of same or opposite sex. Again, sometimes it only takes a nanosecond of contemplation to realise that one is in love with someone else in that way. My God I can definately say I have experience on that one x-x...
One thing I am growing annoyed of since my sudden hatred of the whole 'love' concept, is people saying " I love you/her/him" when they've ONLY BEEN GOING OUT FOR A WEEK O_O
Seriously though, 'love at first sight' only occurs if you actually know the person and about the person and stuff. That realisation, I'm sure would be common sense, sadly, not many people have common sense these days -.-'...
And just to warn, these "I love you (when I really don't know what love is)" people are not worth one's time until they've actually been truely in love. I am single because of one such person so please heed my lovely call and only tell people you love em if you actually do so ^.^' -experienced yet unbiased opinion of utter common sense-
So concludes my weird ponderings (well, as much as I can be bothered to write, and of course remember xD)
Until next time, -waves-
However, on pondering, I think there's a lot more to that one said sentence than meets the eye. For example people's capacity for hatred is quite amazing if you think about it... someone can be totally happy and whatnot in the eyes of people they are comfortable around....
........... then SUDDENLY -person appears-
.... one microsecond passes of sheer brainpower contemplationness...............
BAM!!!!!! -uber hatred- "The day has suddenly got worse because of them"... etc
You get the point, it's absolutely amazing how it's done. Being as I am, I can safely say I've never experienced such utter hatred for anyone at any given time, at most just temporary annoyance... Therefore, I'm amazed at how the emotion of hatred is come across and how other people around percieve it.
Now, for one, I've noticed quite obviously that if someone insta-hates another person, then people around automatically take sides, unless they're on the side of NEUTRALITY (had to get that one in there didn't I dude who likes green so much =D). All this, in itself, divides people who could all easily get along with each other in a blink of an eye. I would go into detail about the difference in subcultures, war, and political views.. but I'm tired of repeating myself from my Sociology lessons and quite frankly the information is looking at us both in society (in general), and in my sociology text book xD.
One thing I have experienced, however, and plays an enourmous part of one's life at times... is love -spits-...
Now, I honestly don't mind the type of love that friends share, or family love that stops cohabiting humans of the same blood pool from tearing each other apart out of frustration with one another. All that love is fine, in fact, I make sure I love all of my closest friends and family in order to be there for them when they need my help, guidance, hugs.. etc... -no more elaboration cos you get the point xD-
I am, however, talking about the intensely powerful emotion you are able to experience towards specific people either of same or opposite sex. Again, sometimes it only takes a nanosecond of contemplation to realise that one is in love with someone else in that way. My God I can definately say I have experience on that one x-x...
One thing I am growing annoyed of since my sudden hatred of the whole 'love' concept, is people saying " I love you/her/him" when they've ONLY BEEN GOING OUT FOR A WEEK O_O
Seriously though, 'love at first sight' only occurs if you actually know the person and about the person and stuff. That realisation, I'm sure would be common sense, sadly, not many people have common sense these days -.-'...
And just to warn, these "I love you (when I really don't know what love is)" people are not worth one's time until they've actually been truely in love. I am single because of one such person so please heed my lovely call and only tell people you love em if you actually do so ^.^' -experienced yet unbiased opinion of utter common sense-
So concludes my weird ponderings (well, as much as I can be bothered to write, and of course remember xD)
Until next time, -waves-
Friday, October 2, 2009
o.o -Gremlin Rawrs-
Day two of my life on the blog... lulz. Well, to start off, 3/4 of lessons today were free... so I could reclaim my life as the Brown Palace Gremlin.. in which I most certainly did. Today has been a day of contemplation, sleep, and living off of Coca Cola, which turned out to be a Godsend in philosophy o.0... although, I still nodded off for a short while, I suppose that's expected though when one doesn't have much sleep hardly ever.
Shall blog a musing when I can be bothered ^.^
Shall blog a musing when I can be bothered ^.^
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
So Here I Am...
Well... you lot (you know who you are!) got me into blogging now...
I put my bloggingness into the ''dearest wall we all love in the Palace of the 'off brownish' colour...'' perspective. After all, that's where I hang around 5-6 hours of my day.. o.o' . So I am truely a gremlin of the brown palace xI.
Anyways... enough about my comprimised humanity....... Today, not much actually happened, which is a startling first for all of school kind. It may sound strange, but I wouldn't mind my sociology/psychology teacher being back now... she taught us stuff, now I feel thick.... hey ho.. I shall spend my 'frees' doing something either random, productive, or interesting =D.
So conconconconconcludes my first blog of.. yeah.. whatever... although, I do have a musing I might bother to write up in a bit when I'm bored to hell =D... Gremlin Out
I put my bloggingness into the ''dearest wall we all love in the Palace of the 'off brownish' colour...'' perspective. After all, that's where I hang around 5-6 hours of my day.. o.o' . So I am truely a gremlin of the brown palace xI.
Anyways... enough about my comprimised humanity....... Today, not much actually happened, which is a startling first for all of school kind. It may sound strange, but I wouldn't mind my sociology/psychology teacher being back now... she taught us stuff, now I feel thick.... hey ho.. I shall spend my 'frees' doing something either random, productive, or interesting =D.
So conconconconconcludes my first blog of.. yeah.. whatever... although, I do have a musing I might bother to write up in a bit when I'm bored to hell =D... Gremlin Out
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